Our 4th Familyversary

I truly can’t believe it’s been 4 years since The Littlest E became our son.  Where did all the time go? I’m sure most parents feel the same way when celebrating their child’s birthday, along with tremendous joy and gratitude.  As an adoptive parent, I get to celebrate the birth of our son, and the birth of our family, our Family Day.  I hope I never forget what life was like before The Littlest E came home with us, so that I don’t lose the gratitude I feel everyday that I get to be his Mom.  Adoption is a gift, one that I cherish with my very soul, for without that gift, my life and my husband’s life would be drastically different.

Our Family – 2010

I remember our first days with The Littlest E, all 19 pounds of him.  He didn’t want to crawl; he just wanted to be held and held and held.  It was a big adjustment getting used to each other, but he knew we were his “go to” people.  We were there for him night and day.  At the foster center where our son stayed in Ethiopia before coming home with us, he attached to one of the caregivers so we knew he’d be able to attach to us, and he did.   After being home for a couple of weeks, Tom, my husband, went back to work, and I was at home with our new son.  Quite a discovery we both had during our hours together.

One day, I took him on a tour of our house (which isn’t very big) so he’d feel more comfortable in his new digs.  I got on my knees and crawled around with him from room to room.  Seeing the house from his vantage point, I could imagine how overwhelming his new environment might be.  Yet we had fun discovering each room.  I would explain the names of the rooms and what happened in each.  From that point on, The Littlest E felt comfortable to crawl around.

As time passed, he went from crawling, to waddling, to walking, to running.  Now, he often starts in our kitchen, sprints, and does a running leap onto our couch that is frequently used for tackle wrestling.  Yes, he’s home and we’re home and we’re a family.  Love really does make a family.  Blood doesn’t matter so much.  Families come in many different ways these days.  Thank God for that.  Here’s a poem I posted several years ago when I was writing for an online parenting magazine that I found on a friend’s blog:

The Gift of Life

I didn’t give you the gift of life,

But in my heart I know.

The love I feel is deep and real,

. . . As if it had been so.

For us to have each other

Is like a dream come true!

No, I didn’t give you

The gift of life,

Life gave me the gift of you.

– – – Author Unknown

Our Family – 2014

There’s nothing like waking up every morning knowing our son is down the hall in his room sleeping.  He greets most days with a smile and a snuggle, then it’s time to continue our morning routine.  He’s 5 now and still as active and energetic as ever.  In the evenings when Tom is home, we have family time, usually around the dinner table.  We say our daily gratitudes, takes turns saying a blessing, eat and talk about the day.  It’s a lovely routine.  After that, I do the dishes and Tom gets some good, quality time with his son.  Who could ask for anything more?

I can’t wait to continue to experience life with The Littlest E and our family we’ve created through adoption.  We are blessed to have what we have, live where we live and do what we do.  To those of you who are waiting to be parents, your time will come.  You’ll hold your child in your arms, however that child comes to you, and life will take on new meaning.  Hoping that your wait is short and that your child is with you soon.

This blog can also be found at Mothering In the Middle, an amazing website for midlife parents, where I am a contributor.

©2014 Melanie Elliott

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A Most Special Day – Our Family Day

It’s with the deepest gratitude that I write this blog.  Today’s our third “familyversary,” the day Tom and I became parents and the day The Littlest E became our son.  It’s such an emotional day for me (probably for Tom, too) because it’s the day we met, held and took custody of our amazing little boy.  I remember the day like it was yesterday.  We were in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and had been for a couple of days.  I know we had little sleep the night before due to excitement and nerves.  Most couples go to the hospital for delivery and they leave the hospital as a family.  Our “hospital” was half way around the world, and our “delivery room” was The Thomas Center, where The Littlest E stayed.

I remember Tom and I looking for him as we arrived at the Center with some other families.  We can’t find him, then, near the entrance, we see this little, sleepy baby being carried toward us.  He’d just woken up from his nap.  My heart is beating a mile a minute, as we get closer to him.  I reach out to him and say “lay-ah-ZEKH,” which is “can I hold you” in Amharic, the primary language in Ethiopia.  He reaches his arms out to me and I hold him, our precious cargo.  We’ve been holding him now for 3 years.  It’s truly been an amazing journey.

I think it took awhile to really get used to the idea that he was our son and no one was going to take him away from us.  Our path to him took such a long time and there were many moments in that 6.5-year period where I was convinced that Tom and I would never have the opportunity to give the tremendous amount of love we have to a child, that we would forever be a single couple.  Even in our darkest moments though, there was a tiny spark inside me that knew someday we’d be parents.  I didn’t know how, but it would happen.  And it did.  I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again, I would not have our lives any other way.  I believe, in the core of my being that the Universe guided us to the child meant for us.  I could not imagine not being The Littlest E’s Mom.

People often say what a lucky boy he is.  Yes, maybe he’s a lucky boy, but I’m the luckiest mom in the world to have him as my son.  My life is richer, fuller and happier because I’m his mom, and the love I have for him is limitless and then some.  I’ll ask him, “How much do I love you?” He replies, “Always and forever.”  Life has expanded so much, too, with new friends, new groups of people, making for a well-rounded complete life.  Couldn’t ask for anything more.  Every day I am grateful for the gift of adoption.

After 3 years, we’re definitely in a groove as a family, just living our lives like any ordinary transracial, international adoptive family, and often, we’re just a family, a regular family.  Today is a special day, a cherished day we’ll celebrate every year.  All day long, no matter what I’m doing, I’ll be thinking about family, love and the importance of the day.  Tonight, we’ll go out to dinner probably to the restaurant of our son’s choosing and cap the evening off with a family hug before The Littlest E’s bedtime.

For those couples struggling with infertility, for the couples that are waiting for a referral and to the couples who are waiting to bring their child home, your child will be in your arms.  It may take a while, there may be bumps (sometimes boulders) in the road, and it may seem like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, but one is there.  Please keep that spark alive and don’t lose hope.  Sending you love and prayers that you’ll bring your little ones home soon.

Images: Melanie Elliott, Erin Clendenin, Melanie Elliott

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Family Day

August 2^nd is coming up and it marks the second anniversary of our Family Day.  In some adoption circles it’s called “Gotcha Day,” but we refer to it as Family Day because it was the day we became a family.  I’ve also heard someone call it a “familyversary” which I think is brilliant.  I get reflective around our Family Day since it was the day that changed my husband’s and my life forever.  I will be eternally grateful we had the means, eligibility and ability to adopt.  It was through adoption we had our miracle.  Without the mechanism of adoption, there would be countless families that never would have come into being.

It’s amazing how time has flown by as quickly as it has.  The older you get, the quicker it goes, while growing up, time couldn’t go by fast enough.  I can’t believe it’s already been 2 years.  2 years since we brought The Littlest E home with us from Ethiopia and 2 years since we became parents.  He recently turned 3 and it’s been the most amazing, awesome, and profound experience watching our little guy grow up.  When we brought him home with us, he was just shy of 19 lbs, and now has doubled in weight and grown over 9 inches.  His development has been phenomenal (at least to me; I’m his proud Mommy).  He’s gone from infant to toddler to little boy, walking, talking, and expressing himself.  He’s such his own person.

We’ve grown as a family too.  There was some awkwardness that first year, a bit of stumbling along doing the best we could do.  It was a massive adjustment, especially for me going from working to staying at home.  I also felt in some ways we inadvertently drew attention to ourselves when we went out because we were a conspicuous family and a new family all at the same time.

We’re still conspicuous that will never change, but we’ve gotten used to that dimension of our lives.  We’re beyond used to each other as a family unit; it’s not new anymore.  We just are.  I’m Mommy, Tom’s Daddy and The Littlest E is our son.  It’s a wonderful thing.  I love it when he calls out to either of us.  Those were words we both longed to hear and thought we never would.  I still have to pinch myself sometimes to make sure I’m not dreaming and remember there’s no other shoe that’s going to drop.

The older The Littlest E gets, the more prominence this day may hold.  The social worker, who did our home study, and her husband and adopted daughter make a full day of their Family Day.  For this year, our son will go to school as usual.  We’ll probably go out to dinner or make a special meal.  We often show him pictures of our trip to pick him up and  how he came to us.  On our Family Day, we’ll make a point of sharing his story with him.  It’s important for his identity.

Our son’s preschool class is studying Ethiopia.  Tom and I went several days last week to his class to teach the kids about The Littlest E’s birth country.  We read a children’s book which took place in Ethiopia, danced to Ethiopian music, and the kids enjoyed a mini coffee ceremony, which is a traditional  ceremony Ethiopians have to show hospitality and respect.  In a way, that week was a precursor to our Family Day celebration.  Whatever we do, whether it’s grand or quiet, the only thing that truly matters is we celebrate The Littlest E and that we are a family.

Soon, we will be going to African Cradle, an Ethiopian heritage camp for families who’ve adopted from Ethiopia.  It’ll be our first year attending and we can’t wait.  We’re excited to spend a weekend with 50 to 60 other adoptive families, learn more about Ethiopian culture and food and have The Littlest E take part in activities with other children.  It’s the icing on the cake since it falls so close to our Family Day and I’ll be writing about it in an upcoming blog.

While we were waiting to be parents, I didn’t believe my friends who said, the right child will come to you at the right time and once you hold your child in your arms, all of your pain and sadness will go away.  I can state with certainty, this happened to me the minute I held my son in my arms.  I truly believe The Littlest E was meant to be our son and can’t imagine any other outcome.  To all the waiting parents and families no matter where you are on your adoption journey, your Family Day will come.  Keep the faith, keep the hope and know it will happen.

Images: Melanie Elliott

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